Abandonment issues can stem from all sorts of different situations, both big and small. Maybe you were abandoned by a parent or guardian, or perhaps you feel like you’ve been rejected by someone you care about. Regardless of the source, abandonment issues can have a major impact on your life and your emotional well-being.
With that said, if you’re wondering whether or not you have abandonment issues, in this guide we will go through some of the most notable signs to look out for. Let’s get started.
What are Abandonment Issues?
Abandonment issues can often be overlooked yet they can have serious implications in our lives. They refer to the fear of being abandoned or left alone, that may stem from difficult experiences in childhood, such as parents divorcing or a loss of a caregiver. They can also occur after an unexpected life event such as a traumatic breakup. While abandonment issues tend to be primarily associated with people who have suffered neglect or abuse in their past, anyone can experience them. Whether you’re feeling anxious when your partner takes too long to respond to your text messages or overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness at the thought of being single, it’s important to recognize how prevalent these issues truly are and start laying the groundwork for healing from within.
What is the Impact on Your Life for Having Abandonment Issues?
Having abandonment issues can take a toll on your life in more ways than one. Not only is it emotionally trying, but the effects go much deeper and can have tangible impacts on the things that you do – or don’t do. The fear of being left behind may lead to behavior like making unrealistic demands and clinginess, while a core fear of rejection can lead people to push away their support network and instead try to deal with things alone. Overall, having abandonment issues can impact your healthy and wellbeing, and can increase feelings of loneliness, depression, or self-sabotage which may make it difficult to build long-lasting relationships.
Do I Have Abandonment Issues? – Most Notable Signs
Experiencing abandonment can be a difficult and complex issue that many people struggle with. Not all signs are the same, but there are some indications that you may have abandonment issues. Here are the most notable signs:
Sign #1 – Tendency to Get Attached too Quickly
People who fear abandonment may develop an intense attachment to someone else quickly, as a way of preventing them from leaving. More often than not this can cause feelings of clinginess from their respective partner, and can make it difficult to have a healthy relationship.
Sign #2 – Panic at the Thought of Being Alone
The fear of being abandoned can be so severe that even the thought of being alone is enough to trigger panic. This may manifest in different ways such as constantly checking for texts or messages from your partner, or needing constant reassurance that the relationship is still intact. Additionally, this anxiety may be heightened when your partner is away in which you may feel an intense amount of anxiety and worry that they will never come back. This can lead to feelings of insecurity as well as overthinking every little thing they say or do while they’re away.
Sign #3 – Difficulty Expressing Feelings
Having abandonment issues can often lead to difficulty expressing feelings, which could be a result of a fear of being rejected or judged. This can make it difficult to establish intimacy in a relationship, as well as open up meaningful conversations of vulnerability.
Sign #4 – Sabotaging Relationships
Abandonment issues can lead to a vicious cycle of sabotaging relationships before they have a chance to take off. You may find yourself pushing away potential partners or creating conflicts in existing relationships in an attempt to protect yourself from the fear of being abandoned. This can also lead to feelings of guilt and confusion as you try to justify your actions even when they don’t make sense.
Sign #5 – Constantly Replaying Past Traumas
In some cases, people with abandonment issues may find themselves replaying past traumas in their head, as a way to cope with the fear of being left behind once more. This can lead to a spiral of negative thoughts and emotions that may be hard to break away from without outside help.
Sign #6 – Feeling Unworthy of Love
Feeling abandoned may develop a narrative that all endings and change is experienced as feeling expendable and unworthy of love. This may lead to developing an “all or nothing” mentality, where you either receive all the love and attention you crave or none at all. This system of thought can lead to feeling you don’t deserve to be loved and can lead to despair at the thought of losing someone who truly loves you for who you are. Changing this cycle of thought is paramount to overcoming abandonment issues.
Sign #7 – Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem can be a result of unresolved abandonment issues, as those who fear being left behind may feel like they are not good enough for the people in their life. This is why it’s so important to work on building up your self-confidence and mastering the skill of loving yourself. At the end of the day, recognizing your self-worth is the only way to truly move past any feelings of abandonment.
Sign #8 – Constant Insecurity and Thoughts of Unfaithfulness from Your Partner
If you have abandonment issues, you may find yourself constantly questioning your partner’s loyalty and fidelity. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity, as well as toxic behaviors such as snooping on their phone or following them around. These actions might temporarily make you feel better but in the long run they will only further damage the relationship.
Sign #9 – Difficulty Trusting Other People
A fear of abandonment can lead to difficulty trusting others, as those with unresolved issues may assume the worst in people. This can make it hard to let go of feelings of resentment and anger towards those who have hurt you in the past, as well as form meaningful connections with new people.
Sign #10 – Avoidance of Intimacy
Similarly to feeling unworthy of love, another byproduct for having abandonment issues is the consistent avoidance of intimacy. You may be scared of getting too close to someone for fear of them leaving you, or have difficulty opening up in relationships due to a lack of trust. As a result, in order to cope, you may find yourself pre-maturely leaving relationships before they have a chance to grow. This of course is a defense mechanism to protect yourself from being hurt, but it can also lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Conclusion – Do I Have Abandonment Issues?
All in all, if you recognize any of these signs in your behavior it’s possible that you may be struggling with abandonment issues. With that said, the first step is to acknowledge and accept that they exist, and then pursue the necessary steps towards healing. This could include talking to a therapist or joining a support group, as well as focusing on building up your self-confidence and learning to love yourself. By taking the time to identify and address these issues, you can learn how to move past them, and build healthier relationships in the future.
If you’re having trouble coping with feelings of abandonment don’t be afraid to reach out for help. At Clearheart Counselling we specialize in helping people with abandonment issues and providing meaningful relationship therapy. Contact us today to speak to one of our registered clinical counsellors (RCC) today! You can also check out our Google Business Profile to visit our clinic today!