Often couples begin marriage counselling to have their side heard and to receive support for the wrongs they feel they are undergoing. Others are skeptical of the counselling process, and wonder does marriage counselling work. Marriage counselling can and does help many couples. Still, some couples are more concerned with being right than with being team players. There are better-starting points in marriage counselling than this type of attitude. Hearing both sides is beneficial to both parties. The role of the marriage counsellor is not as a referee but facilitator. Placing blame on a partner for issues does not aid in rectifying issues. To fix problems, you need to find out what caused them. The focus is not on who did it but on “why” and what else might work better.
Humans have a nature that looks at problems and conflicts from a selfish position. Still, we can also allow for more empathy and greater understanding when examining relationship conflicts. The more we understand the motivations and intent of the other party when problems arise, the more effective we can be in resolving the issues. A good marriage counsellor will work with couples not to help one side win over the other but to help them work together and assist in developing new tools and skills.
Here are some suggestions to get the most out of your marriage counselling experience;
- Be Open-Minded
To have an open mind, you need to be willing to try new things and listen to what your marriage counselor says.
- Be Empathetic
Many couples are unaware of how their partners feel, not because they aren’t caring or loving but because they aren’t aware of all the variables and factors present. Getting a wider understanding of what your partner is going through and their concerns will help you empathize with their feelings.
- Be Committed
When starting marriage counselling you will want to ensure your partner that you are willing to try, and threatening to leave or divorce at this time will not help. This is also not the time to look at your options and other partners. Doing either will only add stress, fear, and vulnerability to your existing problems as a couple.
Counselling is finding solutions and building a strong, loving relationship. Listen to your marriage counsellor and be willing to practice the advice given. You don’t have to wait for major problems in your relationship either before seeking help. Rather see counselling as a preventative practice and have regularly scheduled sessions for best results.