If you’ve experienced trauma, you may have difficulty receiving love. Whether it’s from friends, family, or a romantic partner, the fear of being hurt can be overwhelming.
At its core, love is one of the fundamental building blocks of security and belonging which acts as a key component of happiness for human beings. With that said, traumatic experiences can cause you to feel disconnected, distrustful, and unable to open up to love. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to heal from trauma and rekindle your ability to love and receive love.
In this guide we will provide several tips on how to accept love after trauma so that you can happily move on emotionally and work towards a better future. Let’s get started!
What is Trauma?
Before we get into how to feel love after trauma, it’s important to first understand what trauma is. Trauma is a response to an event or experience that someone finds extremely painful and distressing. It can range from mild to extreme cases and can occur in both the short term and long term. Common forms of trauma include physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, and even coping with loss and grief. The most notable signs of someone who is experiencing trauma include:
- Flashbacks
- Nightmares
- Hypervigilance
- Intrusive thoughts
- Difficulty concentrating
- Avoiding people and situations that remind them of the traumatic event
- Feeling Emotionally Numb
- Having trouble sleeping
- Difficulty experiencing positive emotions
- Feeling of hopelessness and despair
- Difficulty maintaining close relationships
- Self-destructive behavior
Having said all that, trauma is very treatable. There are various therapeutic methods available, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy to create new narratives and help you to regain control. Further you can learn new coping strategies that will help to navigate you around challenges in the future. Transformation of the traumatized mindset can help you better accept love and experience peace and joy again in your life. Let’s go ahead and take a look at the best tips on how to accept love after trauma:
Accept Your Past Trauma
Everyone has had painful experiences that sometimes shape and influence who we are and how we respond to new experiences. It’s understandable to feel guilt or embarrassed of the past because you haven’t been able to process and understand and trust that you can and will move past difficult experiences. However, the one thing that should remain in your mind is that it is possible to accept, understand and learn from past traumas – and this can make all the difference in allowing you to move forward peacefully.
Acknowledging your history isn’t always easy, but there are stills and healing methods that allow you to face them and that lead to greater peace of mind as you make strides into the future. Releasing and transforming negative self-talk and being able to experience gratitude and growth is possible, however painful your experiences may have been.
Some ways to help you begin to transform your past trauma include:
- Write a journal to express painful thoughts as well as feelings of gratitude
- Notice when you’re able to observe past trauma with neutrality, without judgment
- Practice mindfulness techniques like meditation or yoga
- Talk with friends or family members with whom you trust
- Speak to a professional to gain insight and new skills
Recognize that accepting your past trauma is possible and be gentle with your own process and timeline. Be sure to take things day by day and give yourself grace along the way. You don’t have to do this alone – surrounding yourself with people who can provide support is a great way to get through it.
Practice Self-Care to Help You Cope with Trauma
If you are going through a traumatic event and are struggling to cope with your emotions, practicing self-love can really help. By taking the time to focus on yourself and your needs, you can start to make progress and build your self-esteem which can significantly help you in putting yourself out there when looking for love.
Some of the best self-care practices include exercising regularly, getting plenty of sleep, eating a healthy diet, meditating, spending time in nature and engaging in activities that bring you joy. You can also practice self-love by giving yourself a daily ritual such as getting in the habit of saying positive affirmations or by reframing your mindset to look at things more positively. Also choosing to take the time to check in on your mental health can be a great way to ensure that you are introspectively accounting for your feelings and are self-aware of your thoughts. You can easily do this by utilizing methods such as journaling, talking to a professional, or by giving yourself a set time every day to internally reflect and meditate on your experiences.
Slowly Open Your Heart to Love After Trauma
As you slowly start to accept your trauma and recognize that you are worthy of love, consider taking things slowly with your love journey. This will help you to begin to feel more connected to yourself and your own emotions, rather than being overwhelmed by the idea of a future relationship that may or may not be right for you. Allow yourself some grace and patience as you move towards connecting with someone else again, or even finding a new connection all together.
The important thing to remember is that love doesn’t need to be overwhelming or fast-paced – instead it should be a nurturing connection that builds over time. Start small with the people closest to you – family, friends and perhaps even pets. Build up your confidence by engaging in activities that bring you joy, such as attending classes or going outdoors. Overtime, what you will realize is as you continue to put yourself out there more, you will slowly build the confidence to receive love from others, as well as discover a new definition of love for yourself.
Understand that Trauma is a Part of Your Growth not Your Identity
Trauma can make things that were once easy feel difficult – it alters the way you view yourself and the world around you. The most important reminder during this time is to understand that trauma, while a deeply personal experience, is not an unchangeable part of your identity.
It is one moment that has shocked your system, and it’s worth setting aside some space to allow the process of healing to take place and get help to understand and transform what has happened. Understanding and acknowledging trauma can allow space for it to become a part of growth – not failure or defeat – and a healing process can begin. Counselling can help you find ways to shift your relationship with the traumatic event and release defining your identity with one moment and find strength to face tough situations again with resilience. This courageous focus and willingness to peacefully observe without judgment can expand your horizons and allow yourself time to stop the old patterns of mind. Getting help can bring a new objectivity and soft gaze to your experiences and catalyze change in creating a new unencumbered identity.
Build a Healthy Support System to Help You Cope With Trauma
Dealing with trauma can be a very discouraging and disorienting experience, so having a healthy support system around you when you’re going through it is incredibly important. It’s not always easy to find the right people to talk to, but surrounding yourself with people who make you feel safe and encouraged is key. From family members, to close friends, or even an online community — the healthiest of support systems often come from many different places. Find the type of support that works best for you and don’t be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. Allowing yourself the space and grace to feel your feelings, as well as receiving understanding and acceptance from those who care about you can be one of the best forms of self-care that will help heal parts of your heart that may feel wounded.
Recognize That You are Worthy of Love
It is important to recognize that, even though trauma can be incredibly overwhelming and sometimes feel like it’s all consuming, you are still worthy of love, joy and happiness. Finding a healthy and safe relationship with someone who will help support you through the healing process is essential for growth – but only if you are ready for it.
Seek Professional Help if You Feel Stuck
Life can be difficult and at times it might feel like you’re stuck and unable to move forward on your own. That feeling of being helpless can be incredibly frustrating, but remember, you are not alone and there are plenty of people that can help. If you find yourself struggling on how to accept love after trauma, consider working with a professional counselor or therapist. By talking to someone who is experienced in helping people to regain motivation, set realistic goals, and develop healthy coping mechanisms – it could make all the difference in helping you move forward.
Conclusion – How to Accept Love After Trauma
All in all, no matter where you stand in your healing journey, never forget that you are strong, capable and brave. You have the power to build yourself back up, even after a traumatic experience – so don’t be afraid to take the time to show yourself love and kindness as you slowly open your heart to new love. With the right support system and a bit of patience, you can find happiness and acceptance on the other side.
If you’re having trouble with self-love or healing after trauma, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. At Clearheart Counselling we specialize in trauma counseling and relationship therapy. Contact us today to speak to one of our professional registered clinical counsellors.