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How To Stop Self-Sabotage

October 19, 2019

Sometimes it is easier to recognize sabotaging behaviors in others than within ourselves. Self-awareness allows you to identify counter-productive behaviors that may be stopping you from reaching your goals or living life the way you would like. A good therapist can certainly help shed light on these types of behaviors and give tools to aid one in overcoming them. There are also steps you can take that will benefit you greatly in learning how to stop self-sabotage:

  1. Take Responsibility for Your Actions.

Recognize that no matter what happens in your life ultimately, the decision is yours when it comes to choosing how you will react. Often we become very much habituated in our patterns of behaviors and responses to different situations. Consider what you are choosing and why then you can then make better choices. Better choices are those that can deliver more significant and positive results than what you have been experiencing. 

  1. Stop Blaming Others.

Playing a victim is in some sense, the denial of your abilities to make changes to what is not serving you. When you blame someone else for your situation or your circumstances, you give them power, or at times it is nothing more than the denial of your ability. Discernment and reflection are qualities that are gifted to humans and not other species of life. While an animal very much is under the control of their instincts, we as humans can alter our thought patterns and behaviors. If we are not happy with a situation we can always choose another and changing our thought patterns and behaviors can help one in doing so.

  1. Identify Self-Sabotage Limiting Behaviors.

Identify how you sabotage yourself, then you can be aware of when these behaviors arise. Many times activities such as procrastination or overindulgence are triggered by emotional reactions to specific types of situations. When we become aware of what our triggers are, we can take extra precaution in not being triggered into destructive or unwanted behavior.

  1. Change Your Narrative.

The stories we tell ourselves of what has happened to us and concerning ourselves are just that stories. Our perspective and our feelings related to events can change over time, and as we develop new self-images and realizations. The saying “if you believe you can you will and if you believe you can’t you won’t” applies not only to business but also to personal goals. A good therapist will help you in letting go of old stories and guide you in creating new ones that better suit a healthy and productive life.


  1. Change Negative Beliefs into Positive Ones.

A belief can be as helpful as it can be destructive. The only truths that are consistent are ones that can not be altered in any way. Separate fact from fiction when it comes to your beliefs. Is it a belief that will always be, or is there some opportunity for variation or change? Why we choose to believe things often has more to do with a need for validating our decisions or choices and not always because it is a fact. Are you slow all the time or are their times that speed is not an issue? Do you always lose your temper at every opportunity, or are their times you can be more patient? If it isn’t true all the time, it might just be a choice we choose to believe.  There may be better choices and alternatives in constructing new paradigms that align with more positive outcomes.

Want to learn more? Self-sabotage - the solution you won't expect.

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